Father would say this self-pity is a disgusting indulgence. I think, for once, I agree with him. There’s nothing I can do about this situation, so, on to other things.
I went to the library, against the Headmaster’s wishes. I was thrilled and nervous, and I wonder if that’s why so many people cause trouble, just to get that mix of emotions going through them. I don’t think I want to break the Headmasters rules too much, but once or twice won’t hurt, I don’t think. I met Blaise Zabini, the boy whose journal is somehow connected to mine (to Severus’) and he’s actually really interesting, and he likes potions as much as I do, which is a definite plus. (I wonder, now, why our journals are connected. A gift, perhaps? Or something else?) He seems like he knows the older me pretty well, and I keep fighting the urge to ask him questions, but even I know better than that. I’ll just have to keep my curiosity to myself.
I was formally introduced to Draco Malfoy today as well. When I saw him holding court at dinner yesterday, he reminded me so much of Lucius that I thought. Well, I don’t know exactly what I thought, but I was hoping I could be friends with him, to have something familiar to hold on to, but I can’t stand him. He’s a annoying, spoiled brat, and his only saving features are that he hates Mudbloods and that he looks like Lucius. He has no grasp on the nature of subtlety, and I just… don’t like him. I don’t really care for very many of the Slytherins—they all seem like children. I suppose I have Lucius and my own intelligence to thank for my maturity, because they’re all about to drive me mad.
Except for Blaise. I think he’s as lonely as I am. I hope we can be friends, really. I don’t care if Draco outcasts me—there’s no one here worth my attention anyway.
I had dinner with the Headmaster tonight. He asked me how I was doing, if I’d gotten settled in sufficiently, and gave me books for my classes, and reminded me that it was in my best interests to remain unobtrusive. I felt obligated to tell him about my altercation with Draco after Blaise and I fell. I got the feeling that he was a little disappointed in me for fighting already, but I couldn’t help it. I’ll do my best not to disappoint him again.