Ezekiel Grey (stopper_death) wrote,
Ezekiel Grey
stopper_death

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Private Entry

It is a relief, at times, to retreat back into the solitude of my rooms. More often than not, I wish I didn’t have to leave them. As a wise Hogwarts professor once told me:

This job would be brilliant if it weren’t for the bloody children.

I think I agree with his assessment.

Potter came down to my office on Monday night for Occulmency, and as usual it was a disaster. He isn’t trying—he simply doesn’t care. However, I attempted to discover what he does on his nocturnal wanderings, and he most vehemently kept me out of those particular memories. It’s disconcerting, and worrisome. Perhaps I should contact Lupin again—he needs to stop pining over a dead man and realize where his priorities should lay.

There are other things that need my attention, however, such as what to do with Draco. He cannot simply go around and hex students, especially when there’s a danger of another Slytherin being hit. It is a House courtesy I’ve attempted to instill, as we already have three Houses against us. Especially when toying with the Creptio variant of an Amorous hex. Will that boy ever learn subtlety?

Or perhaps, it bothers me most because it was Blaise.

And that brings me to the issue I’ve been attempting to avoid for the last couple of hours.

Blaise kissed me. And with the intention of counteracting the curse, I kissed him back. I did not expect him to want more. I did not expect to want more.

I bruised him, I think. And I am ashamed that I lost control, that I am so starved for attention, for a touch, that I all but forced myself on a boy who had no control over his actions, for the most part. How amusing my morals have become. I can kill and torture without blinking an eye, but I feel as though I am damned for touching a student.

Congratulations, Severus. You might be mad yet.

I went to Albus after Blaise left, explained what happened, and asked the headmaster to think up a suitable punishment for Draco, as I would turn in my resignation the following morning.

He refused my resignation, of course. I’ve turned in one regularly each year, and he has yet to accept it.

However, as it stands, Draco has lost Slytherin 50 points, and has a week’s detention. My improper conduct has been noted and appended to my staff file, and that is that.

Now only one question remains to be settled, and I believe I shall ponder that after I have sufficiently doused myself with spirits.

What am I going to do with Blaise?
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